Melancholy Baby
by Shadowgurrl
Summary: Amanda's feeling on edge and Billy tries his best to cheer her up
1. Chapter 1

Author Note: Feeling a bit blue tonight and thought I'd try to get over it by trying to write how Amanda might act feeling this way. Maybe some of you will get how I feel tonight too. This is set just after Amanda gets her job back at the end of "Murder Between Friends".

* * *

Amanda leaned on the wall of the bullpen watching all the agents scurrying in and out, all busy, all intent on doing their part to save the world. No one was paying any attention to her just like she was invisible. Lee was perched on the edge of Francine's desk. She still looked kinda sour about her expense budget being cut in half but it looked like Lee was most of the way into flirting her back into a good mood. He was good at that, she thought; he had a charm he saved especially for Francine when she was like this. Old friends are like that, she thought; they have a special code that makes them slot together comfortably. Not like me and him; the way we fight about almost everything.

No one paid attention to Amanda as she stood there, the silent watcher, quiet but taking everything in, as if she was observing animals in a zoo.

"Everything allright Amanda?" asked Billy Melrose walking up to her.

Amanda straightened up and gave him a sad smile. "Oh yes sir I'm fine. Just a bit tired and out of sorts."

"Why would you be out of sorts? I thought you'd be happy with how everything worked out here. Getting your job back and the raise, I mean."

"Oh yes Mister Melrose! I'm very happy about that sir, and very grateful! It's going to make all the difference having that extra money come in especially with summer coming and all the activities the boys want to do!"

"Glad to hear it" he said but then looked at her more closely. "But you still don't seem happy. Is there something else I can help you with?"

"Not really sir. I'm just feeling a little off balance these days."

"Well it's been quite a week so I can't say I'm surprised" he smiled at her with a paternal look.

"I guess that's it" she said with a sigh. "Maybe I just need to figure out where I belong once and for all."

"Well you belong here" Billy said right away. "I don't know what we'd do without you now."

"Oh I don't think that's true" she said. "I don't think anyone would really have noticed if I hadn't come back. I'm sorry" she said right away. "That sounds like I'm ungrateful and I'm really not, truly. But I'm still the outsider here."

"I don't think of you that way" Billy stated with emphasis. "And I'm sure Lee doesn't."

"Oh yes he does" answered Amanda. "And I am. I'm not a real agent like Francine and the steno pool thinks I'm competing with them for Lee the way I spend so much time with him although he doesn't think of me that way but it still means I don't fit in with the other girls. I mean, oh my gosh, I still wear a visitor pass every time I come in to work! I'm not even a real employee."

"I should do something about that" agreed Billy. "It's ridiculous."

"And it's not just here I don't fit in anymore" said Amanda. "I'm the only divorced mom in our neighborhood and now I work crazy hours that makes it hard for me to make friends out there in the real world. The friends I shared with my ex-husband have all kinda drifted away now that I'm single again. I guess I'm just feeling lonely."

"I see" said Billy sounding almost like he understood.

"And Byron Jordan was nice – even if it was probably never going to be romantic, it was nice that someone seemed to be interested in me for me." Amanda gave another sigh. "Oh well, I guess I should be happy that I didn't fit in with the girls down at the county jail, huh?" She gave Billy another sad smile, then looked across the room to where Lee had finally got Francine laughing again.

Billy looked at her, not sure how to cheer her up when everything she said was probably true. Amanda could tell he didn't know what to say and patted his arm.

"Don't mind me Mister Melrose. Like I said, I'm just tired and cranky. It'll be better tomorrow." She walked away, glancing one more time at Lee who never noticed her leaving.

"I hope so" said Billy. He could feel the lingering effects of her sadness as she left the bullpen. It didn't seem right that someone who was normally a ray of southern sunshine could feel that way. He looked over at Lee, who he knew spent a lot of time hiding his loneliness with wine, women and song. Maybe I can kill two birds with one stone he thought.

"Stetson!" he yelled across the room. "Come here. I've got a job for you!"

* * *

End Note: Sorry, this came out kind of sad but Lee can probably cheer her up. I know I could use some Stetson charm right about now.


	2. Chapter 2

Lee looked around the barely decorated suburban house that was his home for however long it was going to take to nail this guy who was after those crystals in the Bethesda lab. He couldn't understand why his last stint in the suburbs hadn't been as annoying and why this one seemed drab and uncomfortable.

Finally he put his finger on the problem. Last time Amanda had gone at it with her usual gusto and over-attention to detail and had made the place in Betsy Ross Estates a home, not just a house. This time, with everyone in the neighborhood aware that it was just a single guy living here, she hadn't felt the need, and he hadn't been besieged by the gamut of welcome wagoneers and whatnot. No need for a blender and a knack with margaritas this time.

He wondered about that for a second, why Amanda hadn't taken it upon herself to make the place habitable but then shook his head. She'd been busy with that community group thing she was involved in, that group was going to be their way in to meet the chemist guy. He walked to the back window and stared out into the empty backyard, sipping his Scotch. It was good, he thought, that she'd found a way to get involved in the community again. When Billy had called him into his office the other week to read him the riot act, he hadn't been aware that Amanda was living in limbo the way she was. Too busy with work to make neighborhood connections and too out of place and untrained to make any real friends at work.

"Except you," he said out loud to himself, then wondered if she'd even consider that to be true. The way she'd looked at him when he'd hit her that day as part of his cover – she'd really been hurt by that, and he knew he didn't mean physically. He thought they'd put it behind them and then almost right she'd taken that job with Byron Jordan, with barely a goodbye. And yes, she'd been happy to see him that day he'd gone to bail her out of jail but who wouldn't have been happy to see the guy with the key out of there? And again, he'd thought they were kind of back to normal after that – and then Billy had called him on the carpet and said he needed to do a better job of keeping her happy so that they didn't run the risk of losing her again. He was ashamed he hadn't even noticed she'd already left that night, so busy with bugging Francine about her dress budget – and she hadn't said good-bye then either.

It wasn't right, he knew, the way she still considered herself an outsider and he knew that it was mostly his fault. Coming to a sudden decision, he put the glass down and made his way to his front door. Walking quietly down the street, he realized he could hear things he hadn't heard in forever, like crickets chirping and dogs barking. Turning down Maplewood Drive, he glanced around and noticed that in most of the houses, all the lights were already off. He looked at his watch – eleven o'clock. It was early in his world, but obviously everything shut down way earlier out in Arlington. He slowed down as he got to 4247, expecting that it would be dark as well, and was surprised to see the faint glow through the dormer window that suggested the lights were still on at the back of the house.

He walked up the driveway and stepped around the back of the house to peer in the french doors, confused when he could see the sofa covered in carefully piled and sorted laundry – but no Amanda. Would she have gone to bed and left the lights on? He didn't think so. He walked to the back door and tested it – unlocked. Now he knew she had to still be up somewhere – she would never have gone to bed without checking that. He walked quietly inside and looked around. The living room lights were off, so she wasn't in there. He walked in further, glancing into the laundry room – no sign - and around the island to look in the kitchen. The dishes were stacked in the drying rack and everything for the boys' lunches for the next day was laid out on the counter along with a large stack of collated pamphlets for the Mothers for a Safe Environment meeting. It was obvious Amanda had been working non-stop all evening but where was she now? He walked up the steps and looked up the stairs to the upper hallway which was completely dark. Just as he was beginning to really worry, he heard a faint sound behind him in the kitchen and walked back there and around the island. That was when he saw her, slumped over the breakfast table. His heart stopped for a second before he realized she was just asleep, her arms wrapped around an Agency textbook like it was a pillow.

He felt terrible – she'd already done all this other stuff and now instead of sleeping, she had obviously tried to stay up even later, trying to get more Agency homework done. He squatted down beside her and touched her arm.

Her eyes opened slowly, dark brown pools stared at him without any sign of surprise. "Oh hi, Lee," she said, still half asleep. "Did you need me to do something?"

He couldn't help smiling. Even asleep, Amanda's first thought was to do something helpful. "Yeah," he answered. "I need you to go to bed, Sleeping Beauty."

Amanda still hadn't lifted her head, and now she just looked puzzled. "No, you don't. You never look at me that way."

"What way?"

"That way you look at girls you want to take to bed. The ones you look at over my shoulder at parties."

That was when he realized her eyes were open but she was really still asleep, and talking like she'd been given a truth serum right now. He couldn't resist asking, "Do you want me to look at you that way?"

She closed her eyes again. "That would be nice. No one ever really looks at me."

He could tell from the deep breathing that she'd gone sound asleep again. Now he felt worse than terrible – Billy hadn't been exaggerating about how isolated she felt stuck between two worlds and to top it off, apparently he was kind of a jerk when they were out together. He watched her for a few more minutes. He didn't want to leave her there, sleeping in such an uncomfortable position, but after that first attempt at waking her up, he was afraid what she might say next.

Finally he stood up and walked out the back door, scooting around until he was outside the window again, then started to tap it noisily. It took a few minutes, but finally she lifted her again sleepily and looked around to see where the sound was coming from. He tapped again and she stared at him. This time, he could tell she was properly awake though, mostly because of the look of horror she was giving him as she obviously recalled the 'dream' she'd just had. He gave her a big smile and waved at her to go to the door.

She stood up groggily and staggered over to open it for him. "Hi Lee. Did you need me to do something?" she yawned, then stopped, confused as if she was wondering where she'd heard that before.

"No, no," he said, still smiling. "I was just out checking on Dr. Fletcher and saw your lights were on. Thought I'd just come and check up on you too." He pointed past her to the kitchen table. "Interesting reading material?"

"Um, yeah," she stammered. "It's one of the Agency guides Mr. Melrose loaned me. It is interesting, I guess I'm just more tired than I thought."

"I thought maybe you were trying to absorb it by osmosis. You know, like a kid sleeping with the book under his pillow the night before a test."

She laughed, but was still embarrassed she'd been caught sleeping.

"Not that you'd need to do that," he went on. "You're getting really good at this spy stuff, you know."

"I thought you didn't like the word spy," she said, smiling back.

"Oh that's just something we tell outsiders," he said. "Now that you're one of us, you can call yourself a spy all you want."

"One of us?" she said in surprise. "I'm one of us?"

"Well of course you are," he said. "Why do you think we wanted you back so bad after that whole Byron Jordan thing?"

"I thought that was just Billy being nice," she said.

"Oh no," he said quickly. "I needed my partner back."

"Your partner?" She looked confused but pleased.

"Of course," he answered her. "You know I just get into trouble without you around."

"I thought it was the other way around," she commented laughing

"Well, the trouble is definitely more fun when you're around." He was pleased that she was looking happier.

"Well, thank you very much," she smiled and nodded her head. She looked at her watch. "Wow, it's late, time for bed, I guess."

"Is that an offer, partner?" he teased her. She looked at him and turned red.

"Lee, I, um, uh,"

He reached out and tapped her on the nose. "Don't worry, I was kidding." He turned to walk to the back door and then looked back where she was standing, still red, and winked at her. "This time anyway. Goodnight, beautiful."

He walked out the back door, pulled it closed behind him and walked off humming. He looked back just once, pleased to see that Amanda was still staring after him, but now she was smiling.

He realized how much happier he was heading back to his drab boring suburban house. He'd found a way to tell Amanda she belonged and he'd made her smile. Billy would be proud of him.

"Time for bed, Stetson," he said to himself as he let himself back in the house down the street and then laughed remembering that shocked look on Amanda's face. But then he found himself thinking about that joke. Why had he added that line about it only being a joke this time? He didn't think of Amanda that way did he?

"Nobody ever looks at me." That's what she'd said. "The girls you look at over my shoulder." She'd said that too.

The thing was, he knew she was wrong. He did look at her that way. He just never let her see.

Maybe it was time to change that.

"No," he shook his head. He'd been there, done that with Dorothy and he didn't want to date someone he worked with. But maybe he should start looking for someone he could be with long-term. Washington was full of girls with security clearances that he wouldn't have to lie to.

That's it, he decided. You just need a smart, pretty girl with dark brown eyes and a beautiful smile. That wouldn't be hard to find, would it?


	3. Chapter 3

I decided to rework the stuff that used to be chapter 3 on this and have published it separately now as "Dinner and Drinks".


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